emet

Every day I die

lose my soul as my body decays

back to cosmic dust

Every day I lose myself still further among entropy;

and death is not a peaceful act

no relaxation, no lessening of cares.

My body heaves, hunkers, shudders -

a whirl storm of ground matter & mud

and then I must re-gather,

find the core of me disintegrated

among the molecular debris.

It was not always a solo act, I forgot that -

how you would take my chilled body into your arms,

fed me warmth back into my muscles,

engraved the glyphs on my forehead -

Children. Home. Love. Work.

Invoked my names,

whispered to me all the pestilence

that would befall my continued death;

leaving me no choice but to choose again

to live. A conscious act of will -

to rein my traitorous body back under control:

it is not always a solo act. I forgot that.

Today, as I lay dying,

I looked for you,

that North Star of what is solid;

this was not meant to be a solo act

nor one I wanted to define myself with every day -

wondering what version of me will be birthed today,

what transformation this time, what will split off,

diminished by what memory,

what knowledge will be left behind

in the debris.

This can’t be a solo act;

pulling back the dead like a golem.

I needed you to write

the glyphs on my forehead;

Children. Home. Love. Work.

I need someone to write the glyphs,

to call me by my names and pull me back -

cohesive, layer by layer, as Ariel sorts.

(It is not a spinning of the wheel;

it is reweaving the tears in the cloth,

it is burning - then rising from the ashes, the mud,

it is a passing of the torch.)

This can’t be a solo act.

Ariel

April 2, 2011

* In some tales, a golem is inscribed with Hebrew words that keep it animated. The word emet (אמת, "truth" in the Hebrew language) written on a golem's forehead is one such example. The golem could then be deactivated by removing the aleph (א) in emet, thus changing the inscription from 'truth' to 'death' (met מת, "dead").