Happened on Fifth Floor

I've been dropping everything

            spilling everything

since admittance

so fustrated even my fingers won't work

            feet refuse to cooperate.

doesn't matter how stern my will or thought -

"don't do that" results in my "doing that"

I saw it happening before it happened

my dinner brought to me like a precious gift

mongolian stirfry, a mish-mash of meat, brocoli, carrots

slippery noodles

sesame oil

thin sterofoam box holding the reserve

on top I sat a small plate,

this night's portion I had heated,

I saw it happening, the small box slowly slipping

away & down out of my hand,

reached up for the soccor-mom-save

            and then my foot

drugged the carpet, echoed the pull of gravity on the box

pitching me forward (slow mo for the viewing

pleasure of those waiting) the small plate

flipping over and landing on top of

the warm noodles, elegantly flipping open the box

like a skydiver's parachute so it landed empty

the stirfry now surrounded me

and I, hungry and surrendered, could only look

at the food I must now throw away,

I saw it happening, watched the stain

of sesame oil leak onto the carpet,

saw that nothing was salvageble.

I picked up the traitorous box

used my fingers as a rake and scooped up

the man'age of meat, too embarrased to lift

my head - a Wife who could not be trusted with food -

even children made less mess. I saw it happening

before it happened. my hands, no longer

needing to be active in the joke

perfunctedly performed their chore as I knelt

with lowered head. this was the first food for many hours -

too afraid to miss the Doctors' evaluation before.

I saw it happening before it happened

and failed to stop it. and now

I would go hungry, an unforeseen

punishment. accepted it even

as my mind railed "unfair!"

straightened myself up

with my staining burden

to find a Daughter,

her hand holding a few dollars

"here", she said, "I heard.

let me buy you dinner"

how did that happen?

Ariel

Dec 9, 2010